自暴自弃

是喜，还是哀?

总安慰自己，至少你没说谎，也知道你的一片心意。虽然我还是把话藏在心里，但我还是会默默地祝福你一切顺利，永远脸戴笑容。因为我明白你要的，我没办法一一给予。所以我不怪你。

若是为他人着想，那你是否真的考虑过我的感受?

Anyway, I know after a night's sleep, its gonna be a brand new day tomorrow, and things will turn out fine isn't it? 所谓船到桥头自然直。还是别想太多吧。

Actually, what worries me most now is the fact that I am degrading day by day. I am forgetting this and that, getting lazier, etc. I feel as though I am losing myself. I am being influenced to the point I don't recognise myself anymore.

I misplaced my keys, mistook the timing for my dental appointment (had to postpone to next friday), procrastinating my mugging time. I am losing my goals. I am losing focus. I feel as though I am just stoning away my time. I am guilty, yet I cannot seem to pick myself up. Have I been brooding too much on it? I know its very immatured and irresponsible of me, but I just cannot help it. My mind is telling me to do the right thing, my heart tells me to do something else. I have seem to lost my way. All I know is, I need to get out of the maze fast, or I will lose everything at stake. I also know that though its really silly and selfish, but I really need someone to guide me.

You know sometimes I feel as though I am not as strong as I think I am. But I know deep down I can do much more. I just need... that little push, to get my engine going again.

第94日

94天前，我多么希望这几个月能尽快过，好让我这隐形人的心平复一些。

94天后的今日，我想了好久，好多。放弃，到目前为止是不可能。但情绪上所受到的。。。

有喜，有怒，有哀，有乐。

我非常了解你的意思。但你无法磨灭那些美好回忆。你明白吗?

Perfect Song

林宥嘉-伯樂

爱你的那一个 伤你的那一个
谁才是你爱情中的伯乐
放弃了这一个 然后等待着下一个
最后哪一个让你最舍不得

感谢不能让别人来说
你给过我的 她们是做不到的
那时候的幸福是真的 虽然过去了
我们也都经历了
释怀教育着仇恨 和平劝着天下人
故事发生便住下了 不管好的坏的
你让我成长了 就算是痛得值得
 
爱你的那一个 伤你的那一个
谁才是你爱情中的伯乐
放弃了这一个 然后等待着下一个
一个个过客过得快不快乐

爱你的那一个 伤你的那一个
谁才是你爱情中的伯乐
放弃了这一个 然后等待着下一个
别太多过客祝你早日快乐

离开时别忘了 看看眼前的人
流泪记住了 还是微笑祝福着

Sleepless Night

I can't sleep. Every 1 or 2 hours, I will wake up from my dream, my heart pounding really hard and fast...

I dreamt 3 times; of which 1 was an unpleasant one. The first one, I forced myself to wake up (Yes, forced myself), because I didn't want to know the outcome. The second was a nightmare. The third was a neutral and almost a repeat of the first one.

Very silly of me hor? I told you I wished I don't have any nightmares, yet there I was, as if being cursed by myself. It will take some time to heal, but... The damage is done. At least better now than later, so don't worry.

Now, I don't intent lie on my bed. I don't want my mind to drift elsewhere. I just want to get my exams done and over with first. Please.

It only takes....

An answer to change everything.

No. I am fine, just feeling a little lost. Inside, I was already prepared. Remember what I told you about the dreams and nightmares? Indeed, it reflects the reality. So far, its been 50/50. In reality, the same applies. Its just there, balancing on that little pivot point. It only takes a slight push.

Yes yes, everything else is more important. I know. But there are some things I cannot write here, because its not the time yet. I know, its not the end yet, and after all, no conclusion yet, so why surrender?

If you can put yourself in my shoes (when I show you something),  everything will fall in place better. Only then will you understand what I am going through and why I chose to do it my way.

Tomorrow is the day. The paper I have the least confidence in. I will face it as though I face you. Because I am not givinge up on the paper. Not until I tried my best.

Happy Meal

Nope, its not the one you buy for kids at McDonald's.

Dad and Mum dropped by my hostel today to send me lunch. Nothing beats home-cooked food. After all, I am so used to eating it, even the finest delicacies can never bring me the warmth of home. =) Especially since they brought me one of my favourite food - hard-boiled eggs!!! Anyway, they brought me some chicken ginseng soup. Haha. Tonight no need to sleep alr...

Though it was a short 2 hours, I am glad and motivated to study harder. Tomorrow is the dreaded EE8084 Cyber Security paper. Zzz.. 

Thanks 老爸 & Ah Bu! 家永远是最温暖的。。。

十字路口

总觉得怪怪的。。。一种不详之预感。我希望是我顾虑太多，胡思乱想。真的。

4年前，我犯了错。你也是受害者。这次，历史似乎要重演。我决心不再重蹈覆辙。因为失去一次，那代价实在太惨痛了。

我不能肯定我说的是否会发生，但为了你，我不得不准备迈向那十字路口。。。

1 Down

Today's paper is not as bad as I thought. It was manageable, as most of what I studied and prepared for came out. Although there are several questions that I am not sure of, at least I am definitely passing it :P

Tomorrow's paper is a killer - FE1006 Maths I. Calculus; the focus point, is what I dread but will definitely face. But I still have to face it. Good Night!

D-Day

Today marks the start of my exams of Semester 1 AY2009/10 in NTU.

First Paper: HE191 (Principles of Economics)

Let's see manageable it is after I submit the paper this evening.

Time: 1700-1930hrs.

萧亚轩 - 钻石糖

喜欢它的节奏。希望你也一样。

"天崩地裂"

WHAT A DAY.

Watched 2012 with my brother today. I shall not disclose any form of spoiler, but it was not too bad. Always enjoyed this type of blockbuster, of an epic scale. Its basically about the end of the world, like "The Day After Tomorrow."  And the catch? I almost experienced my own version of the movie I just watched...

今天，我差点"心脏病暴发。" 我相信只有某人才会理解。说真的，当时我正想放弃一切。心想，是我太疑心吗? 但"证据确凿"，我还能怎样? 我的心似乎被你狠狠地刺了一刀，脑海一片混乱， 实在不知如何是好。。。

但还好事情没那么复杂。你解释了之后，我心终于平静了许多。我又误会了。不过，这也许是一场美丽的误会吧。。。至少你我更了解彼此。

但无论如何，我还是要说 - 开心就好。=) 我会尊重你的决定。

第80天

80天说长不长，说短不短。

过了那么久，老实说，我也开始乱了。若要把事情一一解释真得花一耐力与时间。还是不说了。

一句话: "回来再说。"

回忆

刚思考好多关于你的事。想(写)完之后，轻松多了! :)

还记得吗?

Travelling

Had a very strong urge to travel to...

PARIS.

Yes, that's where I am bringing you to. I am considering LONDON too, since its on the way. I think its a rather nice and romantic place to explore :D

Eiffel Tower, Paris, France

Big Ben, London, UK

That's if I have the honour to bring you, of course. ;)

Breather

Went out for a movie and walked around town today. Watched My Sister's Keeper, and it was not too bad a film. Don't know why I never teared. Perhaps I wasn't focussing on the show.

Then, went out for a walk from PS to The Heeren, to Cineleisure. Along the way, it seems like the Istana is having the Change-of-Guards Ceremony! What a coincidence. Just when I was thinking of it, and I saw the display sign outside the Istana to inform passer-bys of the upcoming parade. But the MP there said the ceremony will only start from 1745hrs onwards with the incoming Istanta Guards (MP) marching from the Heeren to the Istana. So the walking continued to the Heeren where I managed to purchase Auntie Lucy's latest tele-movie (Auntie Lucy 之 Auntie 也灌篮) and 吓到笑 at HMV. Then walked over to Cineleisure to walk around for looking for Mini-Toons, but it wasn't found. Had dessert at the basement. It was some mango pudding with sago and pomela. It was really very very good! Though kinda expensive but worth it. =)

So at 1740hrs, headed down to the Heeren on the way to Istana and at last the contingents and band were formed up. The tunes were simply music to my ears as they played familiar tunes such as the one used for the GOH marching in during the SAF Day Parade this year and the 'disco'-like tunes with the help of a metronome. So here are the photos (pardon the low resolution; I didn't forsee the ceremony and hence the camera wasn't with me):

The MPs who will be displaying their Precision Drill later.

Formed up.

Here they come...

Then headed off to Regent to help colect some race packs for somebody. Haha.

The next place was Suntec City. Gone there to eat find The Wallet Shop and Mini-Toons. By then, stomachs were growling so had to find a place to grab a quick bite. settled for KFC in the end. So after which, it was kinda late so had to head back home (hostel). Along the way, 'someone' appeared and.... ;)

Now that I taken my second dose of painkillers for the day, at least my ulcers and fever are not irritating me any further - for now.

生病了

自从昨晚，身体觉得热热地，不知是否是、天气忽冷忽热的缘故，还是感染了细菌。今天早上，还以为睡了大觉，应该康复。谁知身体又开始热了起来。还好在我离家之前，我已服了止痛药，便出去约会了。

当时，我好希望有人能在身旁照顾我。想了一阵子，还是算了吧。。。自己应该懂得照顾自己，干吗打扰别人?