Pack Up

Time to do some recap.

My project for my attachment on Tuesday was quite a success I must say. No incident (except very minor ones), weather was fine, objectives met. It was a long tiring day, but I am glad I proved I can do it. Thanks to my AC for the encouragement and support :) I prepared what I needed to do and what to say and hence my presentation was smooth.

Anyway, yesterday I went back to camp to get my stuff back after having my vermicelli with eggs for lunch. It was my 'chinese' birthday or birthday on the lunar calendar. But I hesistaed after lunch and contemplated if I should head to camp or the following day since AC will probably be carrying a bulky  and heavy bag since its the last day of work. After thinking, I decided to just go back camp since I had some time and I am willing to carry the heavy bag later as well. Then I headed to Tampines from there with my big OCS book-out bag and waited for AC for 1.5 hours. Lucky I had my mp3 to keep me company. Waited at the McDonald's at the bus interchange before meeting at the MRT station.

So after we met up  at 6pm, we went to the popular bookstore at Tampines Mall to shop for some stuff. AC was kind of moody and irritated and I guess I indirectly added on to it, unintentionally. But I know the reason why AC was so moody... ;) And AC refused to let me carry the heavy bag. Maybe some people don't like to others to carry their belongings? (I only realised the real reason later on...)

Eventually things turned out better after having frozen yoghurt for the sugar rush. I guess sweet stuff makes people happy. So we talked for almost an hour there. Laughed and laughed... And the story telling went on. I am glad we can share so much face-to-face. I guess talking over the phone gives us the excuse to divert our attention elsewhere, without the other party realizing.

Then walked on to the bus interchange to browse some VCD/DVD at TS where AC bought a drama serial I think. As it was pretty late already, it was time to head home. So I sent AC home but got a threat after we stopped at the bus-stop. Haha. I didn't take it to heart and I know you didn't mean it. Took Bus 24 home after AC psycho-ed me, saying it will be much faster. It turned out to be true and the journey was a short 20 minutes, as compared to nearly 45 minutes had I take an MRT back instead.

After I alighted AC explained and I understood everything and the reason why I couldn't carry the bag was because I had my own share of load. (I was carrying my OCS book-out bag with my stuff in it.) At that moment, I wanted to slap myself for not following my intuition. So anyway, I know what to do the next time. ;)

Met up with Edwin after reaching home to lend him my No. 1 JCC and CSB badge and had a long talk with him at the Serangoon CCL entrance. By the way, my CGPA was out last night and I am not going to declare here. If you want to know, look for me personally.

Just before AC slept, I received an SMS. Mmmm.... Let's just say I nearly blushed and kept smiling after that. Hahaha.

Looking forward to the next date. :)

D-Day

Today is the day of my main project of the attachment.

Kind of agonising to plan for it, but I must say I didn't want to waste my time doing nothing during this 1-month vacation. So anyway, I look forward to conducting a smooth and incident free event :)

No-Longer-AC was encouraging me on, to help me improve and I am thankful for that.

Better catch some sleep before I KO again. To be updated.

Braces

3rd visit since I put on my braces (with wires).

The wires got changed from a softer one to a stiffer one. My gums went sore almost immediately, but so far its still bearable. In fact I am used to it. Actually the colour combo isn't that bad. Will upload the photo soon.

Busy doing my work again. Once I send the email and print it out, my job is done for the day. =)

Update (110110): Here is the overdue photo...

Unglam, but I like the colour combination :)

Random Thoughts

Just felt like blogging out of a sudden... I think I am really bored.

Actually, I have work to do, but I just kept procrastinating. Kind of disturbing. I better get started... But before that, I shall type some stuff.

Today, there isn't anything much to talk about. Basically just eat and play. Christmas was kind of lonely, although my family was around. Wondering how fast this holiday will past by. Soon, school will commence and its back to the routine rat race again. Study, eat, sleep. Just 3 things on my mind.

Then again, I know I will enjoy every second of it, because at least I am not bonded to my responsibilities (minus my study award). I guess its the only time I can do more with the broadened limits. I want to make full use of the time to do what I cannot do after resuming service.

And now that I am single, and my mind is 'somewhat' at ease from the burdens, I think its time to really savour every moment I have. Life has been better and my mind is practically stress-free. I am glad I met someone, who really brighten up my days and nights. Though the situation now is kind of ambiguous, I will nonetheless treasure the moments I have.

I am not perfect, and soon my flaws will reveal. If you are willing to accept, I am definitely more than willing to accept yours too. But its too early to discuss that anyway.

New Year is coming! I don't really believe in that resolution thing. Not that one shouldn't aim to change for the better, but why wait till the New Year? If you want to change, don't give yourself the excuse to change only then, because chances are, it will never happen. Ha. For me, I don't hope for much, I just want to focus on my studies and be a matured young man, making the people around me happy. For only then will I myself be happy.

Its amazing how life takes a twist sometimes. Just when you lose something, something else (better) appears. It may take a while to adjust since theres no perfect substitute, but looking long-term and deeper, hey, actually, it isn't so bad after all. :)

Well, I have to visit my dentist later. Yes I know: BLUE & PINK, just for YOU! OMG. Imagine this:

口口口口口口口口口口

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口口口口口口口口口口

*Cringes*

Merry X'Mas!

Its Christmas!

I don't celebrate it (for obvious reasons), but nonetheless, its a festive season for people to get together, to exchange gifts and more importantly, its a holiday!

Went out again yesterday evening, to meet up. I am glad the psychological barrier was nearly gone when I saw you. =) At least I don't feel as awkward. I guess its that warm aura, that melts away my cold appearance. Bought a last-minute Christmas Gift from Bishan J8. It was a large Stitch Pillow to help support your back. But I really didn't know you would be so sick, else won't bring you out. So anyway, went to PITStop with the intend to find a cosy place to chill, but it didn't turn out the way you wanted, and I am partly to blame. I just hope you like the gifts and card I prepared. Took a cab to send you home, after seeing you suffering silently. I felt worst. Really.

I am not good with words, but I really hope you will recover soon. Take your medications ok?

Remember to use the ointment!

寻找开心果

命运真会作弄人。

面临选择，我总是做错决定。我只是跟着感觉走，但始终还是得不到我的开心果。就算得到，也只不过是短暂的。或许是我不懂得珍惜吧。得不到时后悔当初不先下手；得到了，就不珍惜。

快乐啊快乐，你到底在哪里? 等也没用，不等就错过，到底要我怎样?

Post Birthday Thoughts

SO SO HAPPY YESTERDAY!!!!

My Facebook got spammed once the floodgate at midnight opened. I am really really surprised to see so many posts. Close friends, good friends, or just plain friends and even people whom I never met dropped me their well wishes. These are my best presents that I can ever receive. I don't need any gifts or parties. After all, I cannot entertain everyone. So I guess just a simple wish will be sufficient.

Yes, at least you sent me a wish. I felt better.

Went out for a simple celebration. It was simple but brought much warmth to my heart. Never failed to make my day. My cheeks are still sore.... :) Though my wish wasn't granted, at least I tried. I just don't want to regret, as what I did years back. I want to give it a shot as soon as I can, and I know now is not the time.

In life, I learnt that each time you fall, get on your feet and you will not just end up stronger, but braver too. I lost my appetite and basically was in a daze as I walk to the MRT station. I just held on to the bag and stood on the train... Walked home fast so you don't have to wait too long. All I wanted earlier was....

Anyway, I will stick to my motto: Be Happy. Hope you do the same. :)

21

At long last, my big day is here.

Well, apart from the mass spamming I receive on FB, I think today is a happy day for me so far. My brother was basically camping at FB to wish me Happy Birthday. But someone else beat him (After some prompting). Haha.

Its time to move on and leave my unhappiness behind. As I said, I already waited for 9 years. 9 WHOLE YEARS OF MY LIFE. Its time to wake up. I know that some things are just not meant to be, and I know I will never occupy that special spot. So am I supposed to wait another year? 10 years? 20 years? Or must I wait till the last moments of my life?

I am tired.

I will make that choice.

But.... I know I must be strong, to learn to let go. To be myself.

21 means a lot to me, but you have done nothing. Not even a simple Happy Birthday which I yearned for so much. That's all. I don't want any gifts, any presents, any parties any hugs or whatever. Just a simple gesture, just a simple thought. Nothing.

Throughout these years, I firmly believe in 2 statements:

When you lose something, you gain something in return.

Life is always fair.

I never regretted waiting for so long. For it made me realise something about myself. That I grew and became stronger each time I fell. Every tear that rolled down is a release to the tension and unhappiness in me. I never thought I could have endured so much pain and hurt you inflicted, directly or indirectly. And it made me realise that I must make a rational choice, and stick to it no matter what. Most importantly, you taught me what love is.

But it really is time to let you bask in your happiness. I am just unworthy of you. So I will not hinder your search for your happiness. 你，也一定要幸福。

As I try to let you go, I will learn to embrace what is good and beneficial to me. Maybe that someone is already there, but I am just blinded by my ignorance.

21, a milestone. 21, its time to grow up.

Someone must lose.

Kinda in a confused state of mind now.

The same thing happened to me recently when I was in JC 1.

When I was 16 gonig 17, I chose to let you go since I wasn't your choice. A few monthes later, you came back when I wanted the other. You made me decide. I HATE DECIDING. Because someone had to lose.

Recently, history seems to enjoy repeating itself. I know its not going to be a few days, and I know you are probably serious about it. But somehow I know things will not turn out the way you want it. And I must say, my intuition so far isn't quite off from the reality. And should what I predict occur, I only pray it won't be too late, because I want to tell you, I am facing the same issue. It feels as if what happened 4 years ago is going to re-enact. And I am scared. For someone is going to lose again.

Tell me, must I decide who is the loser, again?

你不在

终于，一切都结束了。

是自由吗? 现实还是残酷的。习惯了。

祝福你。