End of Exams.

Well, technically, it ended on Tuesday.

The worst of the semester may be over, but somehow, I don't feel overjoyed. Yes, the burden is off, no need to take the train every other day, and I don't need to worry about waking up early and eating the same canteen food. But I just don't know why its just like any other day. Maybe I play too much. Maybe I expected it. Maybe I am worried for results. Maybe I know that these 4 months or so aren't exactly a holiday period.

Yesterday, as I walked back to the bus stop, I couldn't help but look down and sigh. It was a really slow walk, and suddenly my eyes just start to well up again. I didn't turn back, for I didn't want to be disappointed. I am not trying to be emo. Its just me who likes to keep thinking. I just blame myself whenever things go wrong. I don't ask for much, but when I do, I really need it. A simple thing, a simple gesture. Someone once sang this to me: "If you miss the train I am on, you will know that I am gone...." That time, the lyrics went in my head and came out the other side. Now I truly experienced what it meant and the pain behind.

When I don't say, it doesn't mean I am fine.

No, its not anyone's fault. It may contradict with what I say, but really, I cannot blame others. I learnt my lesson. And I learnt it the hard way. Even if I think its their fault, who am I to point fingers? It doesn't solve the problem and I end up hurting others.

At the bus-stop, I made a wish. I wished that after a night's sleep, I will forget about any unhappiness. It usually works. I think.

And now, here I am typing away. My mind just wants to shut itself down again. It has been my natural defence mechanism against any form of unhappiness. Just press the off button and things won't be as bad. Ignorance is indeed bliss.

Tonight, dad and mum are going for a short holiday again. And I will be lonely again. Yes, my brother(s) will be at home, but what I wanted....

Am I thinking too much? If I am, please come to me and give me a slap to wake me up. Sometimes I ponder, what do I really want? Time? Hug? Laughter? Yes, I need them all and more.

I need recognition.